The Onion
by FaithinBones
Summary: Temperance Brennan reads a very disturbing article in the online paper 'The Onion'.


I don't own Bones nor am I connected in anyway to 'The Onion'.

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 _The Onion_

 _JOHANNESBURG—Lamenting that there was nothing they could possibly do, tearful anthropologists announced at a press conference Thursday that they had discovered the bodies of 15 deceased human ancestors 100,000 years too late. "Not too long ago, these early people were alive and going about their normal daily lives, but sadly, by the time we scaled down the narrow 90-meter chute leading into the cave, they'd already been dead for at least 10,000 decades," said visibly upset University of the Witwatersrand paleoanthropologist Lee R. Berger, bemoaning the fact that they could have saved the group of human predecessors if they had just reached the Rising Star cave system during the Pleistocene epoch. "We briefly considered resuscitation when we found their bodies, but after a cursory examination we knew that they were already gone. If we found them a hundred millennia sooner, this tragedy might have been prevented." At press time, Berger reportedly slammed his fist on the lectern and began to sob._

Stunned, Brennan read the news item three times before she finally closed her lap top and stared at it.

"Bones have you seen my . . ." The look on Brennan's face made Booth nervous and caused him to pause in the hallway. "Um . . . Bones are you okay?" Not getting a response, Booth moved over to where his wife was sitting and placed his hand on her shoulder, "Bones . . . earth to Bones . . . what's going on?"

Shaking her head, Brennan tore her gaze from the laptop and towards her husband, "I'm not sure. . . . I . . . I'm not sure."

Nervously, Booth took her hand in his and implored her, "Bones tell me what's wrong. You look . . . strange. Has someone . . . died?"

"Died?" Snorting, Brennan looked at her laptop once more, "Yes, someone has died and perhaps it's me."

Clasping her hand tightly, Booth felt his hand start to tremble, "Bones are you sick? Are you . . . I mean are you . . ."

Aware that Booth was now upset, Brennan stood up and moved her arms around his chest. Leaning her head against his shoulder, she tried to assure him, "I'm fine Booth. I was being melodramatic. I'm not sick nor am I dying. It's just . . . I'm worried about our educational system. I'm . . . I read an article about a paleoanthropologist named Lee R. Berger and . . . I was flabbergasted. The entire article makes no sense what so ever and . . . I don't know who this man is, but Christine knows more about a paleoanthropology than this . . . this person does. I don't understand how he graduated from a reputable university let alone . . ."

Trying to be patient, Booth listened to her as long as he could, "Bones . . . Bones what article are you talking about? Can you show it to me? Was it in one of your journals?"

She knew she wasn't making sense, but the article had been so disturbing. She knew that she needed to be clearer to her husband, so she released him, sat back down and opened her lap top. Pointing at the article, she glumly responded, "Angela called me and told me about this article. She said I'd find it very interesting, but I don't find it interesting. I find it very disturbing."

Leaning over, Booth saw the origin of the article and smiled, "It's the Onion, Bones."

Not sure what the significance of that was, Brennan asked him, "Are they a disreputable rag?"

Amused at the sound of hope in Brennan's voice, Booth kissed the end of her nose, "Bones it's a satirical newspaper. They publish the most far out articles that you've ever seen. It's supposed to sound like nonsense because it is. Unfortunately, sometimes people . . . well, sometimes people take them seriously because they think the newspaper is . . . um . . . it's satirical okay? Don't take it seriously."

Relieved, Brennan closed the tab on her monitor and next forcefully closed her lap top. "Well, I'm not amused in the least. Why would Angela think I would want to read such a . . . such a newspaper? It's hard enough trying to get our work published outside of Anthropological journals without this . . . this nonsense. We certainly don't need the average person to read such an article and take it seriously. If it is a satirical newspaper like you say it is, it should say so on the banner so that unsuspecting readers will understand that what they read in the paper is . . ."

Certain that she could go on for hours if given the chance, Booth leaned over, pulled her up and embraced her. "Bones, let it go. Angela was just punking you."

Puzzled, Brennan asked him, "Punking me? What does that mean?"

Kissing her, Booth smiled, "It means she was trying to play a practical joke on you."

Realization hitting her, Brennan thought about it and smiled, "I see." Releasing him, Brennan picked up her phone, "I think I'll call Angela back."

The wicked look in her eyes rather intriguing, Booth asked, "What are you going to do?"

Holding up her hand, Brennan spoke in the phone, "Angela. Thank you for showing me the article. It is apparent that Dr. Berger is not fit for his position and I'm going to call the University of Witwatersrand and tell them that their Anthropology program is a disgrace. I will make it my personal mission to make sure that their program is shut down. Thank you again, bye."

Ending the call, Brennan laughed, "Do you think that was funny? Did I punk her correctly?"

Unable to hold it in any longer, Booth burst out laughing. "Oh my God, Bones. That was great. Angela's probably shitting herself right now."

The phone ringing, Brennan checked the caller ID. "It's Angela." Declining the call, Brennan smiled, "I will try to rope her along as long as possible."

"String along, Bones." Chuckling, Booth stared at the phone as it started ringing again, "Please let me be there when you tell her she's been punked."

Her eyes glittering, Brennan nodded her head, "I imagine she'll come over in a little while to try to keep me from making good on my threat. She is a good friend after all and she wouldn't want me to be humiliated."

"God Bones, remind me not to punk you." Kissing her once more, his eyes were drawn once more to the phone as it started to ring again, "This is so hot."

Surprised, Brennan asked him, "Really?"

The phone continuing to ring, Booth nodded his head, "Oh yeah."

Oooooooooooooooooooo

This is for Kate Summers who asked a fanfiction writer to write this scenario. I hope you liked it. Let me know what you think of my little story. Thank you.


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